Saturday Humor

Rain is expected for the weekend here with flood advisory warnings on my phone.
We get those so often though.
Here is some humor for Saturday.
Tomorrow I will post the 1910 8th Grade exam. Try it and see if you could pass it.

Last but not least the quintessential graduation speech:


 Proud Graduates,
As you sit here today with  your newly earned diplomas in hand I only wish I could have spoken to you 4 years ago and saved you the trouble and a whole heck of a lot of money .
You would have been far better served if you had spent these last 4 years in Amsterdam doing weed, drinking booze and visiting gambling institutions. However, let us not cry over split milk and let us look ahead as we try to salvage what is left of your life .
What will the future hold for you? Not much if you lean on the doggy doodoo you have learned here. No offense to the teachers who found they had to do something to put food on the table even if it was deceptive. They are not to blame. When you find a good scam, work it by all means.
So,   I offer you the following advice to help you make a success of your life and become a solid citizen of this late great but not so hot anymore country.

When camping, pee around the camp site to keep wolves away. This will prove good advice over the  years as you lose your home to higher taxes and  loss of job.
When planting  your turnips, always do so on the dark of the moon so that no one can see your shame.
 Let me give you good advice on winning any argument: just make stuff up, sound serious, look serious and never take no for an answer from anyone. It will serve you well.
When asked for  a source on your information, make that up too. "Oh, this comes from the noble prize winning scientist Dr. Burt K. Mortenhouser who, along with 78 other award winning scientists, found these facts to be cut in stone"
And when in an argument always keep referring to your opponent as an idiot. Say, "you're an idiot" everytime they open their mouth. Shake your head and look into their eyes as if you can't believe what you are seeing. Shake your head as if to remove the idiocy from your ears.  Back away from them slowly to emphasize that you think your opponent may, in fact, be dangerous.


 Have a great Saturday.